A stock reply to unsolicited dick pics

Written by Sarah-Louise Jordan apparently is a great stock reply to dick pics sent to you.

Dear sir,

Thank you for the unexpected and unsolicited submission of your penis portrait for our consideration.

We regret to inform you that it has failed to pass our most basic standards of quality control at this time. However, for a nominal fee we can offer you a report that will help you to change that.
The A4 report, provided via postal service, will include personalised booklets that cover the following:
– Why genitals are not an acceptable conversation opener (a step by step guide to saying hello)
– How to appear as though you weren’t raised by wolves
– Better ways to deal with your sexual frustration
– How to dress your penis for social media (a rough guide to pants)
– Penis-reading: a new form of palmistry that may help you unlock the key to your future


We will also answer questions you might have such as
– Do I have too much time on my hands?
– Why did my penis fail basic standards of quality control
(note the number one reason for this occurring is that it is attached to a bigger dick than itself. )

Finally, as a gesture of goodwill we intend to offer two free samples with all of your future penis portrait submissions:
An inventive critique of your pride & joy
A surprise consultation with your closest available family member about your portfolio.
We trust this exciting offer is acceptable and look forward to working with you in the near future.
– Yours faithfully

Dear Media Outlets, DailyMail ,and other “News” sites.

Dear Media Outlets, DailyMail ,and other “News” sites.

I imagine your life my be somewhat boring, some of the news reported is barely news at all. I am just wondering though, would it not be better to let go the extra reporters than to keep reporting on the inane drivel you spout?

If I am interested in a singer, it is usually because i love their songs, voice, and other things related to it. The same goes for actors, i enjoy seeing them perform, or win awards for that.

I rarely give a damn what clothes they are wearing, what they look like, who they are dating, or what they had for breakfast.

Please, stop reporting garbage and forcing others to judge people based on criteria nobody gives a shit about.



ps. Stop reporting about people who are famous for being rich and famous.

What is a calorie?

What is a calorie?

Calories are the little bastards that get into your wardrobe at
night and sew your clothes tighter…