Category: Humour

Posted on

Fun Pranks

Aftershave?

This is a great prank. When someone is tired or just can’t see well spread shaving cream all over their pillow. Make sure it is flat and can’t be seen with just a quick glance. When the person comes in and they lie down, they probably will realize what’s going on but if they don’t it will be all over them in the morning!

I’m Eating Your Goldfish Prank

Peel a strip off of a carrot and bite it into the shape of a goldfish (see where I’m going?). Go over to a friends aquarium and shout out “I’m so damn hungry!” and, with the carrot strip in hand, held between your thumb and pointer, scrape your pinky along the surface of the water, getting your friends attention, and go “I loooooooove seafood!” whilst dangling and waving the fish around, giving it a life-like look. Slap the carrot shaving on your tongue and swallow it whole (or, for an added effect, chew rapidly). Gets my friends every time.

Camp Funny Prank

This is for all the camping people out there. Okay if ya’ll go camping with alot of friends this practical joke is totally for you!! Get some bright red lipstick and put it on somebody’s lips. Then put lip marks all over someone else’s face that is of the same sex and sort of smear some lipstick on their lips. Hahahahahah!!!!!!!!!!

Jelled Toilet Bowl Surprise Prank

My friends and I had been planning funny pranks for months that we would play some really nasty tricks on the teachers for the last day of school. We came up with some great ones, putting food coloring in the toilets or putting exploding pens on the teacher’s desk. My favorite prank was “The Jelly Bowl”.

Get two packets of jelly crystals in your desired color (mix them together if you want), some hot water, and a long stick.

Go into the teacher’s bathroom, make sure someone keeps watch, and put the hot water into each toilet bowl, then put the jelly crystals into the toilet bowl. It’s better if each toilet is a different color. Stir the mix with the stick and let it set over night, by morning it will be solid and they won’t be able to just flush it away!!!

Funny Office Prank

Take any umbrella and fill it with any amount of small objects and place back in its original position. Works best at the office.

Sleepover Prank

This prank is really funny, I did it last week. First get to a sleepover with two boys and more people if you want them to laugh. Then when they fall asleep get the deepest sleeper and get him into the other person’s sleeping bag. I got some friends to help me lift him up into it. Once he is inside, you can take their clothes off and put their arms around each other. Then when they are wrapped up and one wakes up they will be confused and won’t know what they did! (This will really make them blush).

Pills

When the victims is asleep, or not in their room take a small jar full of medicine, like aspirin, but make your own label. On the label print something that would be embarrassing to your victim (eg, anti-gay pills, mental pills). Put the jar of pills next to their bed and in the morning accuse them of being gay or mental.

Shopping Cart Funny Prank

This is pretty juvenile, but good. Find an old lady or whoever at Wal-mart. Get something that would be embarrassing or silly for them to be found with. Pick it up put it in their cart when they are not looking. I’ve done this and it’s a real hoot.

A few ideas –
Rubbers or spermicidal foam in an old ladies cart or adult diapers in a 20 year old guys cart seem to work especially well.

Christmas Prank

If someone really wants a dog or something really big for Christmas then this is how you can prank them. Get a big box and put one of your friend’s inside the box wearing a creepy mask (make sure the friend is alive for this one) and then wrap the box. Have your friend make dog noises or they can just sit there. When the person starts opening their presents they will obviously want to open the big gift first. Just think how great it will be when your friends or family member opens that box and they get a hell of a scare from your friend. Hopefully they crap their pants.

Paper on the Ass Gag

Ok, I did this funny prank at school once. Take a piece of paper and put it on a chair (paper should be same color as the chair.) Put clear glue on the paper and someone will sit on it and be walking around with paper on their but all day.

Blow-Dryer Prank

Here is a good prank that played on my sister. What you do is take baby powder and you put it in someone’s blow-dryer. When they turn it on, they will get a head full of powder. It is a great laugh.

Insane Clown

If you are at a sleepover, grab some make-up and apply it like crazy. Make your face pale white, completely black, or other dark color. Add eye shadow to go on your eye-lid all the way to brow. Use bright red, black, or dark blue, lipstick and apply all over lips and beyond. Finally take RED blush and apply it in a perfect circle). You’ll look like an insane clown!

Shake a person WHILE SLEEPING with the light on and they’ll freak looking at your face! It is so funny! You’ll scare the crap out of your friend!

Sand Hole Surprise

I used this prank on my brother when we were on holiday in Spain.

When you are at the beach, pick a victim/friend that is lying down on a towel on sand. When they get up, for example go to the restroom or for a drink, remove the towel and dig a hole where the towel sits. Put the towel back in exactly the same place so they don’t suspect anything. When the victim lays back down on the towel, their ass will fall into the hole! The deeper the hole the better!

Food colouring in milk etc

boot drive through

kickme signs or similar

ice water in the shower/bath – make sure user has clothes on 🙂

blocking the door when somebody is in the toilet

prop things up against toilet door so when its opened it hits them on the head (brooms etc)

Cereal Box Switch
Remove the plastic bags from cereal boxes and switch them around. Your victim will scratch his head wondering why Cheerios came out of a box of Lucky Charms.

Mail Box Prank
After the mail has already been delivered, fill the mail box with ping pong balls or packing nuts. Then ask someone else to go get the mail.

Pick It Up
Glue a shiny half dollar or quarter to the ground in a busy public place. Then sit back and watch as people pass by and try to pick it up.

Divert Traffic
Get some cones or barrels and divert traffic from a nearby street through campus or your workplace.

Garage Sale Prank
Print up a bunch of huge garage sale or yard sale signs and post them up the night before around your neighborhood. Don’t give an address, just use arrows. Send the cars in a maze throughout the neighborhood looking for a yard sale that doesn’t exist.

Public Fountain Bubbles Prank
Empty a bottle of liquid soap in any public fountain. In a few minutes there will be bubble everywhere. Just be sure there are no living creatures inside, such as Koi fish, or else you will kill them and they are very expensive to replace.

Golf Course Fun
Fill all the holes at your local golf course with chocolate pudding.

Fun At The Bowling Alley
Put vasoline in all the holes in bowling balls. Then sit back and watch as people try their best to grip their balls.

Face The Corner
Get really close and face the corner inside of an elevator. When the next person gets in, he or she is gonna think…”what the heck is he doing??”

Pubic Hair Prank
Tape a bunch of hair to the front of your underwear so it looks like you have a very hairy bush. Then walk around with your fly unzipped. Act like you don’t know that your fly is unzipped. People will look down there and see a hairy bush. See how many people you walk passed before anyone tells you that your fly is unzipped.

Nuclear Piss
Crack a glowstick in half and drop it in a toilet or urinal. The substance will turn the water to a glow. Works best in toilets with stalls, as there is less lighting in those stalls because of the stall walls.

Pin Holes in Cup
Use a tiny pin to make little pin holes in a plastic or styrofoam cup. Then offer the cup with a drink in it to your unaware victim. They will have dribbles of the liquid all over their shirt while drinking the beverage.

Coke Bottle Prank
Take an empty coke bottle and fill it with sparkling water and soy sauce. Then put it in the fridge for someone else to enjoy.

Hello
Open up jars of peanut butter at your local grocery store and place a note on top (face up) that reads “Hello”.

Drinking Thru A Long Straw
Connect as many straws together as you can. Then sit a good distance from your victim. Have the person sitting next to him at the lunch table help you out. Have that person lift your long straw up and put it into the victim’s milk when he or she isn’t paying attention. Then drink it up from 2 tables across.

M&M Coke Prank
Right after your victim has just opened a bottle of coke, drop some M&M’s inside his beverage when he isn’t paying attention. This will cause his drink to keep on foaming.

A Knotty Prank
Whenever your victim leaves his drink unattended and his drink has a lid and straw, tie the straw in a knot below the lid. Then when he returns act like nothing happened.

So Forgetful
Tape some magnets to the bottom of a cup and the top of your car and drive away. It will look like you forgot to grab your cup off the top before driving off and people all around will try and get your attention and flag you down, while you just laugh and drive.

Pop!
Put a balloon over the hole of the victim’s exhaust pipe. After he drives away…a few blocks later, he will hear a big POP!!

Fun At The Red Light
Whever you stop at the red traffic light. Pull up right next to the car next to you. Then slowly put your car in reverse. The car next to you will think he is still moving forward and slam on his brakes. You can even have a buddy help you out and do the same thing in the lane on the other side of the victim.

Bubble Wrap Machine Gun
Tape a 1 inch bubble wrap around thr front tire of your victim while his car is parked. When he drives off the popping noise will sound like a machine gun.

Confetti In The Defrost
Pour some confetti in your victim’s defrost vent and turn it on high. When you starts the car up the next day, it will be like New Year’s Day all over again.

Balloon In The Trunk
Fill some balloons with helium and put them in your victim’s trunk. When he or she goes to get their luggage out, they will get a balloon surprise rising from the trunk.

Posted on

Holiday Greeting

Holiday Greetings!
Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious,� socially responsible, low stress, non addictive, gender neutral celebration of the summer solstice holiday, practiced with the most enjoyable traditions of religious persuasion or secular practices of your choice with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or
By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms:
This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her / him or others and is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher.
This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is� limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher .
Best Regards (without prejudice)
Name withheld (Privacy act).

Posted on

If Architects Had to Work Like Web Designers

Please design and build me a house. I am not quite sure of what I need, so you should use your discretion. My house should have somewhere between two and forty-five bedrooms. Just make sure the plans are such that the bedrooms can be easily added or deleted. When you bring the blueprints to me, I will make the final decision of what I want. Also, bring me the cost breakdown for each configuration so that I can arbitrarily pick one.

Keep in mind that the house I ultimately choose must cost less than the one I am currently living in. Make sure, however, that you correct all the deficiencies that exist in my current house (the floor of my kitchen vibrates when I walk across it, and the walls don’t have nearly enough insulation in them).

As you design, also keep in mind that I want to keep yearly maintenance costs as low as possible. This should mean the incorporation of extra-cost features like aluminum, vinyl, or composite siding. (If you choose not to specify aluminum, be prepared to explain your decision in detail.)

Please take care that modern design practices and the latest materials are used in construction of the house, as I want it to be a showplace for the most up-to-date ideas and methods. Be alerted, however, that kitchen should be designed to accommodate, among other things, my 1952 Gibson refrigerator.

To insure that you are building the correct house for our entire family, make certain that you contact each of our children, and also our in-laws. My mother-in-law will have very strong feelings about how the house should be designed, since she visits us at least once a year.

Make sure that you weigh all of these options carefully and come to the right decision. I, however, retain the right to overrule any choices that you make.

Please don’t bother me with small details right now. Your job is to develop the overall plans for the house: Get the big picture. At this time, for example, it is not appropriate to be choosing the color of the carpet. However, keep in mind that my wife likes blue.

Also, do not worry at this time about acquiring the resources to build the house itself. Your first priority is to develop detailed plans and specifications. Once I approve these plans, however, I would expect the house to be under roof within 48 hours.

While you are designing this house specifically for me, keep in mind that sooner or later I will have to sell it to someone else. It therefore should have appeal to a wide variety of potential buyers.

Please make sure before you finalize the plans that there is a consensus of the population in my area that they like the features this house has. I advise you to run up and look at my neighbor’s house that he constructed last year. We like it a great deal. It has many features that we would also like in our new home, particularly the 75-foot swimming pool. With careful engineering, I believe that you can design this into our new house without impacting the final cost.

Please prepare a complete set of blueprints. It is not necessary at this time to do the real design, since they will be used only for construction bids. Be advised, however, that you will be held accountable for any increase of construction costs as a result of later design changes.

You must be thrilled to be working on as an interesting project as this! To be able to use the latest techniques and materials and to be given such freedom in your designs is something that can’t happen very often.

Contact me as soon as possible with your complete ideas and plans.

PS: My wife has just told me that she disagrees with many of the instructions I’ve given you in this letter. As architect, it is your responsibility to resolve these differences. I have tried in the past and have been unable to accomplish this. If you can’t handle this responsibility, I will have to find another architect.

PPS: Perhaps what I need is not a house at all, but a travel trailer. Please advise me as soon as possible if this is the case.

Suggested additions

“Make sure your estimate for this plan is no more than $2000. I have a 15 year old nephew who designs houses and he say he can build it for me for $1000.”


Please also create this house so that my disfunctional part-time neice (sister to the nephew) can maintain the “content” of the Kitchen, Den and Play Room. But, create a admin shed containing a swiss army tool that will magically clean, press and freshen the rest of the house when you flick its switch. If we do not have time this year for the tool, we’ll re-approach the design in phase two with next years budget.

After the house has been completed, I will more than likely want you to tear part of it down and rebuild it a couple of inches to the left… for no additional cost.


Have I mentioned that I’m not approved for loans or building permits. Go ahead anyway and we will deal with them when the time comes. Did I mention that you will turn over all plans to me and I’ll take the credit of the project when its a sucess?

Oh, by the way … if I’m carrying groceries, I want the front door to lead to the kitchen, but if I’m coming home from work, I want the front door to lead to the living room. If I’m coming home from work AND carrying groceries, ask me before I come in the front door which one I prefer.


My mother-in law should not be able to go into the bedrooms unless my wife specifically gives her permission. Then, she is permitted to see what is in the bedrooms but not change anything. My wife is permitted to see or change anything in the bedrooms, but not in my workshop or the garage. Unless I say she can.

The floors must be level to within a tolerance of +/- 0.00001%. Of course, I don’t know where the floors will be yet.

Very often, I will want to replace everything in my garage with exactly the same stuff from my neighbor’s garage. Unfortunately, my neighbor and I are not always on speaking terms. You will have to figure out how to make sure that our garages always contain the same stuff, even when we’re not speaking to each other.

I will be giving my keys to about a hundred people. Some of them will be helping me on this dinner party I give every so often. I want to collaborate with them. The other people are free to do what they like in the other rooms, but I don’t want to see or hear them.

Did I mention that your boss promised me you’d be finished by Wednesday?


Did I mention that I need to have the plans ready for review by next week and the implementation of my new home will have to be completed within one months time…never mind, make that two weeks, my clients have to be able to come inside and see how it is doing now…

PS-I also reserve the right to not get back to you when you have any questions and then blame you for not designing my home fast enough…and may then have to report you to the BBB, and did I mention that I have several more things to add within that two weeks…so I hope that the scope is not too large because I want it by the deadline…even if the overtime kills you in the process.

Oh, and I forgot to add that there’s no deadline pressure at all — take your time to make it right, because I understand this sort of project takes time — except that the dining room and kitchen-management-system needs to be fully functional in a week for the big birthday party. Since that’s the smallest part of the house, it should be easy enough to get done in time. Then you can do the rest of the stuff afterwards. Don’t bother me with any approvals or questions that don’t have to do with the dining room or kitchen until after the birthday. You got to keep your eye on the ball.

Thank you for the proposal! My first inclination was to say no, but my nephew has a CounterStrike LAN party this weekend and cannot complete my project,. Luck you, It’s a go. I expect stringent adherence to the the 48 hour completion clause starting… NOW! Since I’ll be supplying the images and content, I’ll be back with that tomorrow… or the next day.

I will require free training as well. As I am very familiar with homes I am sure I will understand everything immediately, but I need you to show me how to walk through the back door. If I don’t get it, I will assume that it is your fault and poor design regardless of what I approved.

Also, since I am the only person who has ever used the Internet, I will inform you when you ideas on hyperlinks and buttons make no sense to anybody on the entire planet besides you.

I realize that although your estimate for this project is budgeted for a week’s worth of your time, I will respond to your initial design sometime next week, or month… or year… (yep seriously..) Please keep your schedule exclusively open so my whole family can review your specs at their leisure and reject your initial design. Once your design has been rejected we will expect 10 more designs to arbitrarily pick from. I expect that the costs for these 10 more designs shall not exceed the initial estimate. Since the initial specs were designed in blue, and it is now a year later, we expect the revised spec to be designed in this year’s colors, which are now pink and black… Also please include at the top some type of logo for our family at no charge….

“I’m going to have the building design and organization go against your better judgement and completely ignore you if you tell me my ideas are a more costly way to go. Later, I reserve the right to blame you for any problems or extra costs that will inevitably arise.”

Hey Buddy!
I have made several attempts to contact you regarding another interesting project for a good charitable cause, however I have yet to hear back from you. I had heard that you lost your home and declaired bancrupcy, so I thought you could use the work. Pleas give me a call.