Category: Humour

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Proofreading is a dying art, wouldn’t you say?

Received this gem in an email being forwarded 🙂

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Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter
This one I caught in the SGV Tribune the other day and called the Editorial Room and asked who wrote this.  It took two or three readings before the editor realized that what he was reading was impossible!!!  They put in a correction the next day.
I just couldn’t help but send this along. Too funny.

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Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
No crap, really? Ya think?
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Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Now that’s taking things a bit far!

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Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
What a guy!
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Miners Refuse to Work after Death
No-good-for-nothing’ lazy so-and-so’s!
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Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
See if that works any better than a fair trial!
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War Dims Hope for Peace
I can see where it might have that effect!
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If Strike Isn’t Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
Ya think?!
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Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
Who would have thought!
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Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
They may be on to something!
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Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
You mean there’s something stronger than duct tape?
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Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
He probably IS the battery charge!
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New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
Weren’t they fat enough?!
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Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
That’s what he gets for eating those beans!
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Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
Do they taste like chicken?
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Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
Chainsaw Massacre all over again!

That’ll teach’m to be dropouts!
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Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
Boy, are they tall!
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And the winner is….
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
Did I read that right?
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Now that you’ve smiled at least once, it’s your turn to spread the stupidity and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe even a chuckle). We all need a good laugh, at least once a day!

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Changing the New Zealand Flag – Humour

As a child, i grew up in a normal New Zealand school (several actually!) , the one thing we really hated doing drawing was the new zealand flag.

First you had to get blue paper, or colour the whole damned thing blue (which took HOURS), Then do a square of some sort on the top left and do your cross inside that. Then once you had that you put the diagonal lines through the cross. It was about then you realized the flag actually has white lines either side of the cross and they are already coloured in so you would madly try and get that in. Then you had to try and guess where the stars went and if it was NZ that had 5, or Australia? and how come Australia have a 5th star? are we abnormal ? can we not count ? does this make them better than us?

Eventually we would end up with something that looked like this

Not so pretty huh? but now apparently we have a Maori flag, to be honest most people in NZ are not Maori, and that’s just as hard to draw!

Maori Flag

So now there is suggestion that we have a whole NEW flag, at which point i thought AHHH!!! BRILLIANT!

Now we can be like overseas flags, using just 3 stripes (only 3 crayons and a ruler required!!), or even like the Japanese with a large round polka dot (looks like somebody head butted it!).

French Flag Germany Flag Italian Flag Japanese Flag

I have to say, even Switzerland have a brilliant flag, which is easy to draw, even if it does get mistaken for a first aid stop!

If we decide on using the Union Jack again maybe we can simplify it. Stripes seems to be a fairly common theme according to wikipedia http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gallery_of_striped_flags

so I’ve come up with a few ideas of my own. All are simple and easy to draw, I have tried to make them as Modern as possible, and they should appeal to Maori and White New Zealanders and really anyone online. The best one I believe is the more simple one. Easy for kids to draw, easy for anyone to identify with because im sure EVERYONE has felt this way before.

What is it you ask?

Exclaimation Mark

Post your ideas in the comments – including pics! 🙂

ps. This is said in humour, entirely in jest. No offence is meant to anyone.

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Funny Painting of 3 men story … NSFW

An older couple at an art exhibition were staring at a painting that
had them completely confused.
The painting depicted three black men totally naked sitting on a park
bench.
Two of the figures had black penises, but the one in the middle had a
pink penis.
They asked the curator of the gallery for an interpretation.He explained how it represented the sexual emasculation of African-Canadians in predominately white, patriarchal society.
“In fact,” he pointed out,”some serious critics believe that the pink penis also reflects the cultural and sociological oppression experienced by gay men in contemporary society.

After the curator left, a man with a noticeable maritime accent approached the couple and said, “Would yous’ like to know what the painting is really all about?”

The couple looked at the man with some degree of suspicion……
How & why” asked the couple, “could you claim to be more of an expert than the curator of this gallery?”
“Because I’m the guy who painted it,” he replied. “In fact, there’s no African-Americans shown here at all.
They’re just three Cape Breton coal-miners. The guy in the middle went home for lunch.

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