How to drive your developer Insane

This was found through Digg on another blog … had to repost it because it was priceless …

How to Drive your Website Developer Insane: A Primer Thursday, March 23, 2006

oft-quoted nugget of wisdom in the consumer world is, �The squeaky
wheel gets the grease.� While this is certainly true for situations
such as getting the wrong cup of coffee, putting together a puzzle only
to find the last piece missing, or demanding that your meal be free
because you found a hair in the salad you already finished eating,
sadly, the business world has largely turned its back on this
philosophy. Many businesses, especially in the Web site design and
development field, have overdone the �customer/client is always right�
mantra and will cave in to your demands, nodding emphatically while
looking for the closest window to hurl their fragile programmer bodies
through. In fact, Web developers go to site design meetings expecting
to be driven insane in any number of ways. No, really: we like it. So
here are some tips to help you give us what we really want while surely
amusing yourselves in the process.

1) Perfect the �concerned
eyebrow crunch� and use it randomly. When the designer asks if you like
your navigation how it is, even if you do, crunch your eyebrows and
look concerned. Squint your eyes and half-mutter, �Ehhhhh��
non-committally. Do this again when they ask if you like their
suggestions for changing the navigation. Few things are more confusing
than random, concerned eyebrow crunching. We want to please you! Why
won�t you let us?!

2) Interrupt your programmer�s overview of
proposed section headers with the fact that you really want the focus
to be on executive bios. You want huge pictures of you and your friends
carefully selected high-ranking staff to be on the homepage. *Note:
this works best if you and your staff have any/all of the following
looks: a penchant for flannel, bad ties, weird facial hair, bad toupee,
ill-fitting clothing, no women executives, no minorities, a really
creepy smile.

3) Talk about how you�d like a complicated splash
page for the site. Tell the developer you want anyone who tries to skip
over the splash page immediately re-directed. Use the phrase �flash
intro� and �no skip button� with a smile and pretend like you know what
you�re talking about. Shoot down any proposal that does not include a
splash page. Offer a tissue when the programmer starts to cry.

Use the word �homepage� liberally. Insist that any and every page of
the site has a link back to the homepage, using that exact phrase. Some
suggested dialogue: �If we don�t say �homepage� and have link back to
the �homepage� then no one will know how to get back to our �homepage.�
We really need to have a �homepage� link on every page. This is a
must-have item.� For fun, count the number of times the programmer
visibly twitches uncomfortably after the word �homepage.� If you can
get the count over 10, buy yourself a candy bar as a reward.

Constantly bring up your expert programmer son/cousin/close family
friend. Make one up if you don�t really have one! Be sure to give them
the most annoying qualities possible and make sure they always give the
opposite advice of the programmer actually working on the project. This
programmer wants to do the site in PHP? Well, your obscure relative
says ASP is really better. Use the most condescending tone possible and
trail off at the end, leaving an uncomfortable silence. Try undermining
the programmer on such topics as site security, hosting choice, use of
javascript, cross-browser css and anything having to do with e-mail.
Insert concerned eyebrow crunching where necessary to punctuate your
disdain of the programmer�s suggestions.

6) Demand that your
site show up first in a google search, no matter what your industry. If
you sell trash bags, you want to be first for trash bags, trash cans,
and anytime anyone searches for anything on the web while even thinking
about trash. While you�re at it, say you want to be first in Yahoo too.
Balk at the proposed cost for such services. Set your search engine
budget ridiculously low and threaten to cancel the project if your
search goals aren�t met. Never mind if it�s actually impossible to
guarantee being first on a google search � make sure your programmer
knows that there are at least three other firms who promise this goal
in writing. Should your programmer respond by trying to stab him or
herself in the eye with a sharpened pencil, buy yourself several boxes
of Girl Scout cookies and call it a day. You�ve won!

Used alone or combined, any of these tips are guaranteed to make your next Web site meeting a thousand times more enjoyable.

We take no responsibility for the consequences of using these tips in
the real world. You could be putting your life on the line here, not to
mention the sanity of another human being. Well, we tried to warn you.

Original Blog

#7. (Addition from Digg comments): Keep telling him how you need it
done ASAP – call 5x per day if needed but when he requires anything
from you, wait 3 weeks to bring it over – but when you do drop it off
call again right away complaining why it’s not done yet. (how many of
us have gone through that lol)

#8. My own addition: Call
programmer to inform him/her that there is an error on the development
site while s/he is working on it, as you are hitting *refresh* every
second to check the progress.

#9. Digg addition: Ask for a new
design fully knowing that there are 1500 static pages on the site
because the previous designer was a retard and couldn’t use a template.

Digg addition: Even though your designer has come up with a great,
unique, new design for your site, insist that they copy the website
that you ‘saw that looked really neat’.

#11. Digg addition:
Request a face-to-face meeting with your designer. When the designer
arrives simply request one link to be changed then end the meeting.
This is a very effective technique for pushing offsite designers to the
brink of insanity. If the designer asks you to send simple change
requests by email or phone, ignore that.

Sanity check: 10 dirty little secrets you should know about working in IT

If you are preparing for a career in IT or are new to IT, many of the �dirty little secrets� listed below may surprise you because we don�t usually talk about them out loud. If you are an IT veteran, you�ve probably encountered most of these issues and have a few of your own to add � and please, by all means, take a moment to add them to the discussion. Most of these secrets are aimed at network administrators, IT managers, and desktop support professionals. This list is not aimed at developers and programmers � they have their own set of additional dirty little secrets � but some of these will apply to them as well.

10.) The pay in IT is good compared to many other professions, but since they pay you well, they often think they own you

Although the pay for IT professionals is not as great as it was before the dot-com flameout and the IT backlash in 2001-2002, IT workers still make very good money compared to many other professions (at least the ones that require only an associate�s or bachelor�s degree). And there is every reason to believe that IT pros will continue to be in demand in the coming decades, as technology continues to play a growing role in business and society. However, because IT professionals can be so expensive, some companies treat IT pros like they own them. If you have to answer a tech call at 9:00 PM because someone is working late, you hear, �That�s just part of the job.� If you need to work six hours on a Saturday to deploy a software update to avoid downtime during business hours, you get, �There�s no comp time for that since you�re on salary. That�s why we pay you the big bucks!�

9.) It will be your fault when users make silly errors

Some users will angrily snap at you when they are frustrated. They will yell, �What�s wrong with this thing?� or �This computer is NOT working!� or (my personal favorite), �What did you do to the computers?� In fact, the problem is that they accidentally deleted the Internet Explorer icon from the desktop, or unplugged the mouse from the back of the computer with their foot, or spilled their coffee on the keyboard.

8.) You will go from goat to hero and back again multiple times within any given day

When you miraculously fix something that had been keeping multiple employees from being able to work for the past 10 minutes � and they don�t realize how simple the fix really was � you will become the hero of the moment and everyone�s favorite employee. But they will conveniently forget about your hero anointment a few hours later when they have trouble printing because of a network slowdown � you will be enemy No. 1 at that moment. But if you show users a handy little Microsoft Outlook trick before the end of the day, you�ll soon return to hero status.

7.) Certifications won�t always help you become a better technologist, but they can help you land a better job or a pay raise

Headhunters and human resources departments love IT certifications. They make it easy to match up job candidates with job openings. They also make it easy for HR to screen candidates. You�ll hear a lot of veteran IT pros whine about techies who were hired based on certifications but who don�t have the experience to effectively do the job. They are often right. That has happened in plenty of places. But the fact is that certifications open up your career options. They show that you are organized and ambitious and have a desire to educate yourself and expand your skills. If you are an experienced IT pro and have certifications to match your experience, you will find yourself to be extremely marketable. Tech certifications are simply a way to prove your baseline knowledge and to market yourself as a professional. However, most of them are not a good indicator of how good you will be at the job.

6.) Your nontechnical co-workers will use you as personal tech support for their home PCs

Your co-workers (in addition to your friends, family, and neighbors) will view you as their personal tech support department for their home PCs and home networks. They will e-mail you, call you, and/or stop by your office to talk about how to deal with the virus that took over their home PC or the wireless router that stopped working after the last power outage and to ask you how to put their photos and videos on the Web so their grandparents in Iowa can view them. Some of them might even ask you if they can bring their home PC to the office for you to fix it. The polite ones will offer to pay you, but some of them will just hope or expect you can help them for free. Helping these folks can be very rewarding, but you have to be careful about where to draw the line and know when to decline.�

5.) Vendors and consultants will take all the credit when things work well and will blame you when things go wrong

Working with IT consultants is an important part of the job and can be one of the more challenging things to manage. Consultants bring niche expertise to help you deploy specialized systems, and when everything works right, it�s a great partnership. But you have to be careful. When things go wrong, some consultants will try to push the blame off on you by arguing that their solution works great everywhere else so it must be a problem with the local IT infrastructure. Conversely, when a project is wildly successful, there are consultants who will try to take all of the credit and ignore the substantial work you did to customize and implement the solution for your company.

4.) You�ll spend far more time babysitting old technologies than implementing new ones

One of the most attractive things about working in IT is the idea that we�ll get to play with the latest cutting edge technologies. However, that�s not usually the case in most IT jobs. The truth is that IT professionals typically spend far more time maintaining, babysitting, and nursing established technologies than implementing new ones. Even IT consultants, who work with more of the latest and greatest technologies, still tend to work primarily with established, proven solutions rather than the real cutting edge stuff.

3.) Veteran IT professionals are often the biggest roadblock to implementing new technologies

A lot of companies could implement more cutting edge stuff than they do. There are plenty of times when upgrading or replacing software or infrastructure can potentially save money and/or increase productivity and profitability. However, it�s often the case that one of the largest roadblocks to migrating to new technologies is not budget constraints or management objections; it�s the veteran techies in the IT department. Once they have something up and running, they are reluctant to change it. This can be a good thing because their jobs depend on keeping the infrastructure stable, but they also use that as an excuse to not spend the time to learn new things or stretch themselves in new directions. They get lazy, complacent, and self-satisfied.

2.) Some IT professionals deploy technologies that do more to consolidate their own power than to help the business

Another subtle but blameworthy thing that some IT professionals do is select and implement technologies based on how well those technologies make the business dependent on the IT pros to run them, rather than which ones are truly best for the business itself. For example, IT pros might select a solution that requires specialized skills to maintain instead of a more turnkey solution. Or an IT manager might have more of a Linux/UNIX background and so chooses a Linux-based solution over a Windows solution, even though the Windows solution is a better business decision (or, vice versa, a Windows admin might bypass a Linux-based appliance, for example). There are often excuses and justifications given for this type of behavior, but most of them are disingenuous.

1.) IT pros frequently use jargon to confuse nontechnical business managers and hide the fact that they screwed up

All IT pros � even the very best � screw things up once in a while. This is a profession where a lot is at stake and the systems that are being managed are complex and often difficult to integrate. However, not all IT pros are good at admitting when they make a mistake. Many of them take advantage of the fact that business managers (and even some high-level technical managers) don�t have a good understanding of technology, and so the techies will use jargon to confuse them (and cover up the truth) when explaining why a problem or an outage occurred. For example, to tell a business manager why a financial application went down for three hours, the techie might say, �We had a blue screen of death on the SQL Server that runs that app. Damn Microsoft!� What the techie would fail to mention was that the BSOD was caused by a driver update he applied to the server without first testing it on a staging machine.

Ariston dishwasher light codes

When i needed these they were nowhere, so here they are for anyone else looking.


On the top of the door at the right-hand end is a row of four program
indicator lights, a program selector button (P) and a power switch. One
of the program indicator lights will illuminate depending upon the wash
cycle selected. At the end of the wash cycle the light will flash slowly
(about once a second.)

The program indicator lights have another function, which is not seen in
normal machine operation. When the electronic control system detects a
fault with the machine one of the lights will flash rapidly. If a
problem occurs with the machine then the fault can usually be determined
from the fault code displayed. The four program indicator lights
display a four-digit binary code. If a light in on then a “1” is
indicated. If a light is off then a “0” is indicated. For example, if
the lights are OFF-OFF-ON-OFF then a binary code of 0010 is being

Fault codes are as follows:

No Program Code Fault condition
1 Heavy wash 1000 Operation of flood
protection system
2 Normal wash 0100 Heating
element/Thermistor/Thermostat fault
3 Rapid wash 0010 Drain pump fault or drain
4 Soak wash 0001 Not filling to correct
level within 6 minutes

Note: The light will flash rapidly to indicate a fault-do not confuse
with the slow flashing light that indicates the end of a User Wash


The Electronic Control Systems also incorporate a couple of Test Modes,
normally only accessible by Ariston or Indesit Engineers.
There are two Test Modes: Short and Long. In the short Test Mode it is
possible to manually activate individual machine functons. In the long
test mode manual activation of functions is not possible-the test is
completely automatic.
To enter either Test Mode it must be possible to access both the program
and power buttons with the machine door closed. To do this the machine
must be released from its housing and eased forward about an inch.

To enter a Test Mode:

Set the machine to OFF with the door closed.
Press and continuously hold the “P” key, then operate the power button
in the sequence ON-OFF-ON.
The left hand light will momentarily flash, ie code 1000. This confirms
entry into the test mode. (If entry is not accepted, ie no flash, then
power off and try again)
Within 1 second of the above release and repeatedly press the “P” key,
allowing no more than 1 second between key presses:

3 key presses gives a code of 0010. This is the Long Test
4 key presses gives a code of 1010. This is the short Test Mode
If you press the key too many times then keep going until either 0010 or
1010 is displayed.

Short test procedure

If you have selected the short test procedure (1010) then:
� The machine will fill to the level switch
� The wash pump will start.
� The heater will then run for about 5 seconds
� The machine will then stop after about 50s with both heavy and
normal wash lights flashing

After the above has completed each single press of the P button will
activate different functions of the dishwasher. The program selection
lights will illuminate to indicate the function currently activated:

No Code Function
1 1000 Fill solenoid valve
2 0100 wash pump
3 1100 Heating element
4 0010 Detergent/Rinse aid dispenser
5 1010 I/Sol regen
6 0110 Drain pump
7 1110 Fill Sol
8 1100 End of short test (1100 will flash)
9 0000 Returns the machine to user mode

To exit the short test procedure during the test hold down the P button
and switch the power button to off-This resets the machine to user mode.

Long Test Procedure

If you have selected Long test procedure (0010) then:
� The machine will fill to the level switch
� Wash pump will start
� Wash pump stops and detergent dispenser operates
� Wash pump runs and heater heats to 60 deg c
� Drain pump operates
� Fills to level switch
� Rinses
� Drains
� End of test cycle (1100 Flashes)

The long Test Procedure will run for around 20 minutes.
To exit the long test procedure during the test hold down the P button
and switch the power button to off-This resets the machine to user mode.

Note: Remember to open the door to select a user wash program or to
cancel a user wash program!

Light Codes

001000 Float Switch: Water in Base Pan
001100 No Drain: Dranin Motor Disabled, Filters Clogged, Dramin Hose Blocked
001010 Main Motor Presure Switch Blocked Filter
100100 Control Board: Software of Control Board not Recognized.
000100 Water Valve: Water Valve Diabled
000110 Fill Fault: Water Valve Disabled, Turbine Disabled or Control Board
000101 Heating Element disabled or High Limit Open or Control Board
000010 NTC defective or not positioned or control board
000001 NTC defective or not positioned or control board

KEY: 0 = LED off
1 = LED flashing

Old Notes:
1st LED only blinking is a tripped float switch.
The over flow under the dw needs to be emptied.

led’s 1 and 2 is no drain.
Drain Motor problem.
Clogged filter.
Faulty pressure switch.
Plugged drain line.
New disposer with knock out plug still in it.

Led 1 and 3
Main Motor, pressure switch, or blocked filter.

2nd and 3rd light blinking
piece of dirt has blocked the water pump.

2 and 4 is the heating.
heating element
control board

3rd and 4th lights blinking is a drain problem such as drain pump jammed/disabled, filters plugged, or drain hose blocked/ sink fitting plugged.