Uncomfortable plot summaries – funny but probably NSFW

Found here http://www.postmodernbarney.com/2009/04/uncomfortable-plot-summaries/ (this is really a cool blog and worthy of reading)

sinbadsummary

  • 25TH HOUR: White New Yorkers commit crimes against both law and ethics; feel bad for being caught, rather than for doing it at all.
  • 300: Gays kill blacks.
  • 8 MILE: White man successfully coopts black culture to impress other whites.
  • A CIVIL ACTION: Underqualified lawyer doesn’t listen to clients, royally botches case.
  • A CONFEDERACY OF DUNCES: Social deviants make life difficult for genius.
  • A CRY IN THE DARK: Dogs eat baby, confusion follows.
  • ALIEN: Ship fails to deliver cargo, crew don’t get bonus.
  • ALIENS: An unplanned pregnancy leads to complications.
  • AMADEUS: Man with health problems receives help from rival.
  • AN AMERICAN WEREWOLF IN LONDON: Tourist causes riot.
  • ATLAS SHRUGGED: Selfish industrialist destroys economy.
  • AUNTIE MAME: Spinster exposes child to sexual fetishists, socialists; thwarts marriage to good Republican girl.
  • BATMAN: Wealthy man assaults the mentally ill.
  • BEAUTY AND THE BEAST: Peasant girl develops Stockholm Syndrome.
  • BENJI: Family abandons beloved pet, forcing it to engage in a dangerous cross-country journey.
  • BEOWULF: Colonists hire assassin to drive natives from land.
  • BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA: Redneck trucker kills Chinese immigrants.
  • BILLY ELLIOT: Union worker turns back on strikers for personal gain.
  • BLADE: Obsessed loner stalks minority group.
  • BLADE RUNNER: Man with no apparent skill stumbles into escaped robots, fails to kill most, fucks one.
  • BLAKE’S 7: Terrorists fight government, die.
  • BOOGIE NIGHTS: Deformed boy goaded into life of crime.
  • BOTTLE ROCKET: Mentally unstable man fosters friend’s descent into mental instability, finds love.
  • BREAKFAST AT TIFFANY’S: Pretty redneck girl fools socialites, flirts with gay gigolo.
  • BREWSTER’S MILLIONS: Black man abuses line of credit.
  • BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER: Teenage serial killer destroys town in fit of semi-religious fervor.
  • CHANGE OF HABIT: Rock star regrets not looking closer at contract with movie studio.
  • CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY: Deranged pedophile big-business industrialist tortures and mutilates young children.
  • CHASING AMY: Homosexuality proved to be passing fancy and sign of sexual deviance.
  • CHEERS: Alcoholic cuts lime in bar as penance for his womanizing ways.
  • CHINATOWN: Father desires closer relationship with his children.
  • CHRISTMAS VACATION: Incestuous relatives teach family the meaning of Christmas.
  • CLERKS: Aimless loser remains in dead-end job, abusive “friendship.”
  • CLOAK AND DAGGER: Spoiled teens discover drugs make them special.
  • CONAN THE BARBARIAN: Petty thief murders religious leader.
  • CORALINE: Misfit discovers she is special person in a secret world just beside our own.
  • CRANK: Drug addict spends last day in orgy of rape and violence.
  • CUJO: Family neglects to give family pet rabies shots, pays price.
  • DAREDEVIL: Blind man pisses off crime boss, gets all his girl-friends killed.
  • DARK KNIGHT RETURNS: Aging sadist corrupts, endangers minor, facilitates murder, destroys superhero comic books for 30 years.
  • DEADWOOD: Pimp and rapist charms frontier town into eventual fire-based disaster.
  • DEBBIE DOES DALLAS: Cheerleaders develop valuable entrepreneurial skills.
  • DEEP THROAT: Medical anomaly earns woman new friends.
  • DELIVERANCE: Tourists experience local hospitality.
  • DEMOLITION MAN: In a future where crime is completely eradicated, a black man steals and murders.
  • DIE HARD: Dysfunctional cop saves marriage by murdering foreign national.
  • DIRTY HARRY: Police incompetence allows murderer to go free.
  • DOCTOR FAUSTUS: Scholar leans nuances of contract law.
  • DOCTOR WHO: Elderly man serially abducts young women.
  • DONNIE DARKO: Hallucinating teen crushed by airplane engine.
  • DRACULA: Immigrant clashes with locals.
  • E.T.: Out-of-control pet causes mayhem, sadness.
  • EVERY WHICH WAY BUT LOOSE:  Part-time mechanic involves girlfriend in illegal fight club, risks life of best friend and endangered primate.
  • FALLING DOWN: Life is difficult for white men.
  • FANTASTIC FOUR: Scientist exposes friends, family to dangerous radiation to assuage ego, becomes embroiled in rivalry with former room-mate.
  • FERRIS BUELLER’S DAY OFF: Amoral narcissist makes world dance for his amusement.
  • FIELD OF DREAMS: Schizophrenic builds ball park, almost kills girl.
  • FIGHT CLUB: Deranged sociopath guides yuppies to their deaths.
  • FIREFLY: In an analogue of the post-Civil War west, a white man on the losing side bosses around a black woman.
  • FRANKENSTEIN: Scientific advancement proves unpopular with general public.
  • FREAKS: Acrobat learns value of community.
  • SERENITY: Men fight for possession of scantily clad mentally ill teenage girl.
  • GHOSTBUSTERS: Unemployed college professors destroy hotel with nuclear weapons.
  • GLADIATOR: Convict murders head of state.
  • GLENGARRY, GLENN ROSS: Sales job proves difficult for some.
  • GONE WITH THE WIND: Rich, white slave owner enjoys getting raped, miscarries.
  • GOOD WILL HUNTING: Underemployed genius squanders prestigious job opportunity to chase trim.
  • GREEN ARROW: Rich white man with Robin Hood fetish goes vigilante.
  • GREEN LANTERN: Policeman beats up his girlfriend.
  • GREMLINS: Distant father ruins son’s life, puts entire town at risk.
  • GROUNDHOG DAY: Misanthropic creep exploits space/time anomaly to stalk coworker.
  • HACKERS: Cybercriminals on revenge kick destroy innumerable jobs.
  • HAIR: Hippie dodges draft, dies ironically.
  • HALLOWEEN: Babysitter’s relationship with murderer places children in danger.
  • HARRY POTTER: Celebrity Jock thinks rules don’t apply to him, is right.
  • HE GOT GAME: Escaped convict attempts to embezzle only son.
  • HIGHLANDER: Elderly immigrant destroys property.
  • IRON MAN: Alcoholic rich white man with technology fetish goes vigilante.
  • WAR MACHINE: Alcoholic rich white man gives weapons to black man.
  • IT: Children use horrific murders as excuse to run train on young girl.
  • JFK: Family man wastes life for nothing in crusade against homosexuals.
  • JUDGE DREDD: Fascist thug in bleak dystopia is cheered.
  • JUNO: Teen fails to get abortion, ruins lives.
  • JURASSIC PARK: Theme park’s grand opening pushed back.
  • KARATE KID: Boy gains acceptance through violence.
  • KILL BILL: Irresponsible mother wants custody of her child.
  • KINDERGARTEN COP: Incompetent left in charge of children, who are eventually fired at by convicted felon.
  • KING KONG: Endangered animal stolen, shot.
  • KING OF KONG: Dick battles loser over trivia.
  • LA CONFIDENTIAL: Rapist joins thug in foiling police corruption scheme.
  • LABYRINTH: Girl is negligent baby-sitter.
  • LARS AND THE REAL GIRL: Retarded man doesn’t know what sex toy is for.
  • LASSIE COME HOME: Family abandons beloved pet, forcing it to engage in a dangerous cross-country journey.
  • LOLITA: Man encourages step-daughter to take chances.
  • LONE WOLF MCQUADE: Alcoholic assaults local businessman, ruins marriage.
  • LORD OF THE RINGS: Midget destroys stolen property.
  • LOVE ACTUALLY: Prime Minister risks war with United States over a sexy secretary.
  • MARLEY AND ME: Out-of-control pet causes mayhem, sadness.
  • METROPOLIS: Efficient society undone by unions.
  • MICHAEL CLAYTON: Attorney works against client’s interests.
  • MILK: Uppity queer dies.
  • MIRRORMASK: Misfit discovers she is special person in secret world just beside our own.
  • MONTY PYTHON AND THE HOLY GRAIL: British comedy troupe inadvertently creates language lab for nerds.
  • MULHOLLAND DRIVE: Lesbian relationship is harmful.
  • MY GIRL: Boy killed by female friend’s irresponsibility.
  • NEVERWHERE: Misfit discovers he is special person in secret world just beside our own.
  • O BROTHER WHERE ART THOU: Southern musicians encounter massive flooding and government incompetence.
  • OBSERVE AND REPORT: Emotionally disturbed man gets woman drunk, rapes her.
  • OCEAN’S ELEVEN: Gang of career criminals commit act of terror to facilitate robbery and romance.
  • OF MICE AND MEN: Migrant farmer murders mentally handicapped friend.
  • ONE FLEW OVER THE CUCKOO’S NEST: Disruptive mental patients treated.
  • PILLOW TALK: Gay man tricks woman into sex.
  • POLTERGEIST: Pot-head parents lose child, ruin property values.
  • PREDATOR: American military-industrial complex ruins first contact with alien life.
  • PRETTY BABY: Young woman’s modeling career encouraged.
  • PRIDE AND PREJUDICE: Woman with gold-digging mother nags wealthy man into marriage.
  • PYGMALION: Urchin cured by social betters.
  • RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK: American yahoo murders soldiers and desecrates religious artifacts for money.
  • RAISING ARIZONA: Convicted felon seduces police officer in kidnapping plot.
  • RAMBO III: The United States provides arms, equipment and training to the terrorists behind 9/11.
  • RATATOUILLE: Vermin infest restaurant until it is forced to close doors.
  • RAVENOUS: Coward is seduced by cannibal, destroys army outpost.
  • RED DAWN: Despite shock-and-awe tactics, a superior occupying force is no match for a tenacious sect of terrorist insurgents.
  • RISKY BUSINESS: Privileged rich kid gets everything he wants with no consequences.
  • ROAD HOUSE: Bouncer becomes vigilante, murders local businessman with karate.
  • ROBIN HOOD: Disgruntled veteran protests taxes.
  • ROBOCOP: Female officer’s incompetence leads partner to be murdered and enslaved by corporation.
  • ROCKY: White man beats black man.
  • ROSEMARY’S BABY: An unplanned pregnancy leads to complications.
  • RUDY: Diminutive athlete patronized.
  • RUSHMORE: Teen molests teacher, is expelled. Finds love.
  • SCARFACE: Immigrant finds running his own business stressful, dangerous.
  • SCHINDLER’S LIST: Wealthy industrialist expands not-for-profit ventures.
  • SCOTT PILGRIM: Emotionally immature musician sleeps with high-school girl.
  • SE7EN: Homicide detectives unable to prevent even a single murder by admitted serial killer, killer gives cop head.
  • SHORT CIRCUIT: Rogue scientist steals top-secret government weapon.
  • SIGNS: Jesus trumps science.
  • SILENCE OF THE LAMBS: Incompetent manipulated by several murderers, stumbles upon suspect completely by accident. Creates situation that allows serial killer to escape.
  • SLEEPY HOLLOW: Veteran harassed.
  • SMOKEY AND THE BANDIT: Redneck bootlegger makes mockery of law, sanctity of marriage.
  • SNOW WHITE AND THE SEVEN DWARFS: Layabout stepdaughter shacks up with seven miners.
  • SOPHIE’S CHOICE: Mom loves one of her kids way more than the other one.
  • SOUTHLAND TALES: Traumitized vet destroys universe.
  • SPIDER-MAN: Nerd gets bitten by spider, complains about how this ruins his life for years to come.
  • STARDUST: Misfit discovers he is special person in secret world just beside our own.
  • STAR TREK: Over-sexed officer routinely places crew in danger.
  • STAR TREK THE MOTION PICTURE: Meglomaniac can’t let go of past glory, drives successor to suicide.
  • STAR TREK III: Military officers steal vessel and destroy it to eliminate a handful of enemies while engaged on an extremely vague rescue mission.
  • STAR TREK IV: Interplanetary fugitives poach wildlife from a past age to cover up an act of genocide.
  • STAR TREK VI: Racist military commander past his prime nearly ruins galactic peace.
  • STAR WARS: A NEW HOPE: Religious extremist terrorists destroy government installation, killing thousands.
  • STAR WARS: EMPIRE STRIKES BACK: Boy is abused by midget, kisses sister, attempts patricide.
  • STAR WARS: RETURN OF THE JEDI: Handicapped mass murderer kills septugenarian, is lauded.
  • STRAW DOGS: Immigrant clashes with locals.
  • SUPERBAD: Boys plan date-rape, sleep together.
  • SUPERMAN RETURNS: Illegal immigrant is deadbeat dad.
  • SWEENEY TODD: Businesses flourish when freed from stringent regulation.
  • TAXI DRIVER: Modern dating proves challenging for working class man.
  • TERMINATOR: An unplanned pregnancy leads to complications.
  • TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE: Tourists have difficulty with regional cuisine.
  • THE CAT FROM OUTER SPACE: College professors help illegal alien evade authorities.
  • THE CONVERSATION: Paranoid schizophrenic follows worst possible career path.
  • THE CRYING GAME: Hairdresser bonds with client.
  • THE EDGE: Men bond in Alaskan wilderness.
  • THE EXORCIST: Jesus trumps science.
  • THE FIRM: White lawyer learns hard work is irrelevant.
  • THE GOLDEN COMPASS: Critique of Catholicism upstaged by polar bear fight.
  • THE GOOD THE BAD AND THE UGLY: Nameless drifter kills American soldier over stolen money, hangs friend.
  • THE GOONIES:  Physically abused, retarded man finds love with overweight preteen.
  • THE INCREDIBLE JOURNEY: Family abandons beloved pets, forcing them to engage in a dangerous cross-country journey.
  • THE MATRIX: Hacker is given perfect justification for mass slaughter.
  • THE NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS: Dangerous insurgent invades neighboring country.
  • THE OFFICE: Incompetent boss routinely endangers employees, passes fire-worthy blame, sexually harasses subordinates; is seen as “hero” compared to people who just actually work.
  • THE PASSION OF THE CHRIST: Mel Gibson fulfills fantasy of showing a Jew beaten to a bloody pulp and killed on-screen.
  • THE PROFESSIONAL: Hired murderer sleeps with little girl.
  • THE STEPFORD WIVES: Woman has difficulty adjusting to suburban life.
  • THE TAKING OF PELHAM 1 2 3: Civil servant insults and shoots foreigners.
  • THE THING: Unexpected visitor imposes on workers, their dogs.
  • THE UNTOUCHABLES: Murderer indicted on technicality.
  • THE WICKER MAN: Isolated religious community revitalized by newcomer.
  • THE X-MEN: Minority group seeks overthrow of social order.
  • THERE WILL BE BLOOD: Kidnapper commits murder several times.
  • TITANIC: Crazy old widow disregards lifelong memories of husband, children, and grandchildren in favor of that one time she fucked a bum.
  • TOP GUN: Pilot routinely endangers Air Traffic Controllers.
  • TORCHWOOD: Bisexual is inefficient manager.
  • TRAINSPOTTING: Statutory rapist and junkie sifts through human waste, gets enormous sum of money.
  • TRANSPORTER: Repressed homosexual kills employers.
  • TWILIGHT: Girl gives up college for stalker.
  • BREAKING DAWN: Native American guy is romantically obsessed with ex-girlfriend’s baby.
  • TWIN PEAKS: FIRE WALK WITH ME: Father becomes more involved in teenage daughter’s life.
  • V FOR VENDETTA: Dystopian government overthrown by faceless conformity.
  • VERTIGO: Stalker drives woman to suicide.
  • W.: Unspeakable disaster afflicts America. Then terrorists attack.
  • WALL-E: Obsolete robot disrupts big business, disrupts lives of millions of innocent civilians.
  • WAR OF THE WORLDS: Immigrants face difficulty acclimating.
  • WATCHMEN: Homosexual destroys New York, blames God.
  • WEEKEND AT BERNIES: Two employees take advantage of their boss’ hospitality.
  • WONDER WOMAN: Princess from isolationist culture lectures Americans on equality.
  • WORLD TRADE CENTER: Rag-tag group of underdogs succeed at a massive undertaking despite overwhelming odds, credit success with faith in God.