How To be a Social Media Expert

First things first, Forget that other social media forums exist, ie IRC, Forums etc

You need to pretend that Facebook and twitter are the only ones, and you pretty much invented them and know everything about them (no, doesn’t matter if you don’t, thats fine)

Act like a salesman or spammer, this usually works best if you don’t actually have anything to sell.

Make sure everyone is aware that they should be proud that you deemed to be their friend, do the whole over friendly thing

Make sure you never have a target market, why limit yourself?

Never have a product (other than yourself), because as soon as you have something to sell you become a spammer.

Forget that everyone else thinks you are just another spammer without something to spam!

Ignore the fact that everyone thinks you are the equivalent of door to door salesmen and cold callers

Make sure you don’t notice that your only real friends are in the same fake industry.

Forget that you exist on govt benefits or minimum wage jobs and pretend you actually make a living on social media somehow.

Spend all your time in real life firmly attached to your phone talking to the person next to you online, especially at ‘social media’ gatherings.

Convince everyone you meet that social media is the way of the future and you can make them really famous! Imply they may get sales out of it but avoid promising things you cant deliver (namely, twitter fame to online sales!)!

Try to befriend those who actively post bad things about you, or say nasty things, as if you are trying to make them look bad.

Go to pick a random phrase to spit out as your strategy!

Social Media is just a way to sit on facebook and twitter all day IMHO

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