Eukanuba Diet

here is a little joke that is quiet funny and yet quite believable that
people would try such a diet…

The Eukanuba Diet

I was buying a large bag of Eukanuba dog food and standing in a queue at the
checkout. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog. On impulse I told her no,
I
was starting the Eukanuba Diet again, although I probably shouldn’t because
I’d ended up in hospital last time, but that was because I’d lost 22 kilos
before I woke in an intensive care unit with tubes coming out of most of my
orifices and IV’s in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that all you do is
load
your pockets with Eukanuba nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you
feel hungry. I told her that the food is nutritionally complete so I was
going
to try it again.

I have to mention here that, by now, practically everyone in the queue was
enthralled with my story, particularly a guy who was behind her. Horrified,
she asked if I’d ended up in hospital because I’d been poisoned. I told her
no; it was because I’d been sitting in the street licking my balls and a car
hit me.

I thought one guy was gonna have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.
Stupid cow… why else would I buy dog food?!

Fun Cycling Quotes

een on Shirts (cafepress.com)

Nice rack.
Bikers know why dogs stick their heads out of car windows.
Its just a hill, get over it!
Hairdo by helmut.
Put the fun back between your legs.
Real men wear tight pants.
Oh you ran a marathon? thats cute.
cyclists do it longer.
If your relationship works, you should be training harder!
As a matter of fact, i DO own the road!
Your bike must be very fast, because you were haulin ass when i passed you!
Who moved the finish line?
My other ride is Ya MUM!

When Girls Dont Put out

Girls — Please have a sense of humor!

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so
much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have
never figured out why men think with their head and women with their
heart.

FOR EXAMPLE:

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well,
the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, “I don’t feel
like it, I just want you to hold me.”

I said, “WHAT??!! What was that?!”

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to
hear…

“You’re just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for
me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.”

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, “Can’t you just love me for
who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?”

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with
her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big
unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on
several different very expensive outfits. She couldn’t decide which one
to take, so I told her we’d just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to
compliment her new clothes, so I said, “Lets get a pair for each outfit.”

We went on to the jewellery department where she picked out a pair of
diamond earrings. Let me tell you… she was so excited. She must have
thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was
testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn’t even
know how to play tennis.

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, “That’s fine, honey.” She was
almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling
with excited anticipation, she finally said, “I think this is all
dear, let’s go to the cashier.”

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, “No honey, I don’t feel
like it.”

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled,
“WHAT?”

I then said, “Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while.
You’re just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me
to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.”

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added,
“Why can’t you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy
you?”

Apparently I’m not having sex tonight either….but at least that bitch
knows I’m smarter than her.

Alright Ladies. Forward this if you agree. Hell even if you disagree,
forward it anyway.

Men, forward this if you have BALLS !!!!