A stock reply to unsolicited dick pics

Written by Sarah-Louise Jordan apparently is a great stock reply to dick pics sent to you.

Dear sir,

Thank you for the unexpected and unsolicited submission of your penis portrait for our consideration.

We regret to inform you that it has failed to pass our most basic standards of quality control at this time. However, for a nominal fee we can offer you a report that will help you to change that.
The A4 report, provided via postal service, will include personalised booklets that cover the following:
– Why genitals are not an acceptable conversation opener (a step by step guide to saying hello)
– How to appear as though you weren’t raised by wolves
– Better ways to deal with your sexual frustration
– How to dress your penis for social media (a rough guide to pants)
– Penis-reading: a new form of palmistry that may help you unlock the key to your future


We will also answer questions you might have such as
– Do I have too much time on my hands?
– Why did my penis fail basic standards of quality control
(note the number one reason for this occurring is that it is attached to a bigger dick than itself. )

Finally, as a gesture of goodwill we intend to offer two free samples with all of your future penis portrait submissions:
An inventive critique of your pride & joy
A surprise consultation with your closest available family member about your portfolio.
We trust this exciting offer is acceptable and look forward to working with you in the near future.
– Yours faithfully

Shell script to email when web page has updates/changed

Some shipping companies don’t have any sort of notification system for when updates happen to packages. For small things, this is probably not a major issue, but when i ordered my huge Patio roof, i needed to be at home when it was being delivered to help unload.

Unfortunately the website did not have any notifications, and the alternative was to hit reload on the page all the time to check. I figured this should be easy to script and so wrote this small shell script to watch the page, and email me if there were any updates


# URL to check
# Temp file to store the tracking page
# Get the page, remove dynamic content of newrelic and diff feedback on that
modified=$(wget -q -O $temp $url ; diff ${temp} ${temp}.1 |grep -v newrelic |grep -v --  "--" |grep -v 8c8 )
# This is a good idea if it has the Last Modified headers, but in my case it didn't
#modified=$(curl -sI "$url" | grep ^Last-Modified)
# set email address
# Check if the modified variable exists and is more than 0 characters
if [[ ! -z "$modified" && ${#modified} -gt 0 ]]; then
    # Email me the changes if there are any
    echo $url has changed  $modified  - modified| mail -s "Tracking Update"  ${email}
    # Copy the recent grab of the page to the second file to compare to next time
    cp ${temp} ${temp}.1

The initial idea was to check for Last-Modified headers, but they did not have those, so i ended up dumping the page to /tmp/trackingcheck and comparing against /tmp/trackingcheck.1 . I had to adapt my diff command to remove the newrelic dynamic content lines, which probably could have been done, but over all the script worked nicely.
I set up a cron task to run that every 10 minutes. If the page has changed, it emails me, and copies the temp file to /tmp/trackingcheck.1

*/10 * * * * /home/velofille/tracking.sh

How to 3D print from an image (conversion)

I tried many variations of this, and most seemed to be really annoyingly hard or not overly great results. This seems to be the best results i have had yet, by doing the following.Pioneer

First of all, get your image, PNG works best IMHO, because you have transparent backgrounds. Ideally you need the image to be contrasty or black/white. Open the image in Gimp, copy and paste it into a new image with transparent background.

Select Color , click desaturate. Click Color -> Brightness/Contrast. Set the brightness up at full, then set the contrast to full. This should give you a black/white high contrast image.

Black is what will show, so remove any white you have now leaving it transparent. Select any crap you don’t want, and delete that now. Once you have the image looking how you want, export that as a file.pnm (raw)


From the commandline, convert that using potrace (installed via apt-get )

potrace pioneer.pnm -s -o pioneer.svg

Now you have a good working svg to work with. Install inkscape if you don’t have it already, and install this plugin according to instructions http://www.thingiverse.com/thing:25036 . Its merely a matter of unzipping the 2 files into ~/.config/inkscape/extensions/

Start inkscape, open the svg. From the “Extensions” menu, select “Generate from Path > Paths to OpenSCAD”. Now you have your scad you can open and compile with openscad (open, press F6)

Export as an stl or modify further within openscad (this one has a background plate i made)