A BEAUTIFUL MESSAGE ABOUT GROWING OLD
Shit …
I’ve forgotten what it was….
Parent vs Child – Laws & Rights – funny
Unsure who the author is, got this in an email though 🙂
My son came home from school one day,
With a smirk upon his face.
He decided he was smart enough,
To put me in my place.
‘Guess what I learned in Civics Two,
that’s taught by Mr. Wright?
It’s all about the laws today,
The ‘Children’s Bill of Rights.’
It says I need not clean my room,
Don’t have to cut my hair
No one can tell me what to think,
Or speak, or what to wear.
I have freedom from religion,
And regardless what you say,
I don’t have to bow my head,
And I sure don’t have to pray.
I can wear earrings if I want,
And pierce my tongue & nose.
I can read & watch just what I like,
Get tattoos from head to toe.
And if you ever spank me,
I’ll charge you with a crime.
I’ll back up all my charges,
With the marks on my behind.
Don’t you ever touch me,
My body’s only for my use,
Not for your hugs and kisses,
that’s just more child abuse.
Don’t preach about your morals,
Like your Mum did to you.
That’s nothing more than mind control,
And it’s illegal too!
Mum, I have these children’s rights,
So you can’t influence me,
Or I’ll call Children’s Services Division,
Better known
As ‘c.y.f.s’
Mum’s Reply and Thoughts
Of course my first instinct was
To toss him out the door.
But the chance to teach him a lesson
Made me think a little more.
I mulled it over carefully,
I couldn’t let this go.
A smile crept upon my face,
he’s messing with a pro.
Next day I took him shopping
At the local Goodwill Store..
I told him, ‘Pick out all you want,
there’s shirts & pants galore.
I’ve called and checked with c.y.f.s. …
Who said they didn’t care
If I bought you K-Mart shoes
Instead of Nike Airs.
I’ve canceled that appointment
To take your driver’s test.
The C.y.f.s. Is unconcerned
So I’ll decide what’s best.’
I said ‘No time to stop and eat,
Or pick up stuff to munch.
And tomorrow you can start to learn
To make your own ‘efen’ lunch.
Just save the raging appetite,
And wait till dinner time.
We’re having liver and onions,
A favorite dish of mine.’
He asked ‘Can I please rent a movie,
To watch on my VCR?’
‘Sorry, but I sold your TV,
For new tires on my car.
I also rented out your room,
You’ll take the couch instead.
The C.y.f.s. Requires
Just a roof over your head.
Your clothing won’t be trendy now,
I’ll choose what we eat.
That allowance that you used to get,
Will buy me something neat.
‘m selling off your jet ski,
Dirt-bike & roller blades.
Check out the ‘Parents Bill of Rights’,
It’s in effect today!
Hey hot shot, are you crying,
Why are you on your knees?
Are you asking God to help you out,
Instead of C.y.f.s..?’
Cycling Fun jokes etc
Excellent Fixie vs Road Cyclists Rap
YOU KNOW YOU’RE ADDICTED TO CYCLING IF….
- You hear someone had a crash and your first question is “How’s the bike?”
- You have stopped even trying to explain to your other half why you need more than one bike…you just go buy another one and figure it will all work out in the divorce settlement.
- You buy your crutches instead of renting.
- You see nothing wrong with discussing the connection between hydration and urine color.
- You find your Shimano touring shoes to be more comfortable and stylish than your new trainers
- You refuse to buy a settee because that patch of wall space is taken up by the bike.
- You have more money invested in your bike clothes than in the rest of your combined wardrobe.
- Biker chick means black lycra, not leather, and a Marinoni, not a Harley.
- “Four cheeseburgers and four large French Fries” is for you.
- You see a fit, tanned, Lycra-clad young thing ride by, and the first thing you check out is his or her bicycle.
- You empathize with the roadkill.
- Despite all that winter weight you put on, you’ll take off weight by buying titanium components
- You use wax on your chain, but not on your legs (girls).
- You use wax on your chain, AND on your legs (boys)
- Your current bike is older than your grown up children.
- Your first course when you eat out is a large banana split.
- You yell “Car!” when passing another car, and “Bump!” when you see a pothole – while driving your car.
- Your bike has more miles on its computer then your car’s odometer.
- You wear your bike shorts swimming.
- You wear Voodoo T-shirts all the time, including under dress shirts.
- Your bikes are worth more than your car.
- You buy a people-carrier and immediately remove the rear seats to allow your bike(s) to fit.
- When you move to a new area the first thing you look for is a bike shop.
- You have more bike jerseys than low-cut tops.
- You take your bike along when you shop for a car – just to make sure the bike will fit inside.
- You view crashes as an opportunity to upgrade components.
- You clean your bike(s) more often then your house.
- You spend weeks during the summer spraying arrows on the sides of roads.
- You and your significant other have and wear identical riding clothes.
- You put your bike in your car and the value of the total package increases by a factor of 4 (or better).
- You can’t seem to get to work by 8:30 AM, even for important meetings, but you don’t have any problems at all meeting your mates at 5:30 AM for a hundred-miler.
- You regard inter-gender discussion of your genital pain/size/shape/utility as normal.
- Your New Years resolution is to put more miles on your bike than your car, and you do it.
- You can tell your other half, with a straight face that it’s to hot to mow the lawn and then bike off for a century.
- You know your cadence, but you have no idea what your speed is.
- When driving your car you lean over the steering wheel, just like an aerobar.
- Your kids bring a rear derailleur to “Show & Tell”.
- Your car sits outside your garage because your garage is full of bikes and cycling gear.
- Your surgeon tells you you need a heart valve replacement and you ask if you have a choice between Presta and Schrader.
- A measurement of 44-36-40 doesn’t refer to the latest Playboy centrefold, but that new gear ratio you were considering.
- You wear your heart monitor to bed to make sure you stay within your target zone during any extracurricular activities.
- You experience an unreasonable envy over someone who has bar end extenders longer than yours.
- You’re too tired for hanky-panky on a Friday night but pump out a five-hour century on Saturday.
- There is no time like the present, for postponing what you ought to be doing, and go bicycling instead…
- You no longer require a hankie to blow your nose.
- You smile at your evening date, and she politely points out that you seem to have bugs in your teeth.