Cycling Fun jokes etc

Excellent Fixie vs Road Cyclists Rap



  • You hear someone had a crash and your first question is “How’s the bike?”
  • You have stopped even trying to explain to your other half why you need more than one bike…you just go buy another one and figure it will all work out in the divorce settlement.
  • You buy your crutches instead of renting.
  • You see nothing wrong with discussing the connection between hydration and urine color.
  • You find your Shimano touring shoes to be more comfortable and stylish than your new trainers
  • You refuse to buy a settee because that patch of wall space is taken up by the bike.
  • You have more money invested in your bike clothes than in the rest of your combined wardrobe.
  • Biker chick means black lycra, not leather, and a Marinoni, not a Harley.
  • “Four cheeseburgers and four large French Fries” is for you.
  • You see a fit, tanned, Lycra-clad young thing ride by, and the first thing you check out is his or her bicycle.
  • You empathize with the roadkill.
  • Despite all that winter weight you put on, you’ll take off weight by buying titanium components
  • You use wax on your chain, but not on your legs (girls).
  • You use wax on your chain, AND on your legs (boys)
  • Your current bike is older than your grown up children.
  • Your first course when you eat out is a large banana split.
  • You yell “Car!” when passing another car, and “Bump!” when you see a pothole – while driving your car.
  • Your bike has more miles on its computer then your car’s odometer.
  • You wear your bike shorts swimming.
  • You wear Voodoo T-shirts all the time, including under dress shirts.
  • Your bikes are worth more than your car.
  • You buy a people-carrier and immediately remove the rear seats to allow your bike(s) to fit.
  • When you move to a new area the first thing you look for is a bike shop.
  • You have more bike jerseys than low-cut tops.
  • You take your bike along when you shop for a car – just to make sure the bike will fit inside.
  • You view crashes as an opportunity to upgrade components.
  • You clean your bike(s) more often then your house.
  • You spend weeks during the summer spraying arrows on the sides of roads.
  • You and your significant other have and wear identical riding clothes.
  • You put your bike in your car and the value of the total package increases by a factor of 4 (or better).
  • You can’t seem to get to work by 8:30 AM, even for important meetings, but you don’t have any problems at all meeting your mates at 5:30 AM for a hundred-miler.
  • You regard inter-gender discussion of your genital pain/size/shape/utility as normal.
  • Your New Years resolution is to put more miles on your bike than your car, and you do it.
  • You can tell your other half, with a straight face that it’s to hot to mow the lawn and then bike off for a century.
  • You know your cadence, but you have no idea what your speed is.
  • When driving your car you lean over the steering wheel, just like an aerobar.
  • Your kids bring a rear derailleur to “Show & Tell”.
  • Your car sits outside your garage because your garage is full of bikes and cycling gear.
  • Your surgeon tells you you need a heart valve replacement and you ask if you have a choice between Presta and Schrader.
  • A measurement of 44-36-40 doesn’t refer to the latest Playboy centrefold, but that new gear ratio you were considering.
  • You wear your heart monitor to bed to make sure you stay within your target zone during any extracurricular activities.
  • You experience an unreasonable envy over someone who has bar end extenders longer than yours.
  • You’re too tired for hanky-panky on a Friday night but pump out a five-hour century on Saturday.
  • There is no time like the present, for postponing what you ought to be doing, and go bicycling instead…
  • You no longer require a hankie to blow your nose.
  • You smile at your evening date, and she politely points out that you seem to have bugs in your teeth.

Fun Pranks


This is a great prank. When someone is tired or just can’t see well spread shaving cream all over their pillow. Make sure it is flat and can’t be seen with just a quick glance. When the person comes in and they lie down, they probably will realize what’s going on but if they don’t it will be all over them in the morning!

I’m Eating Your Goldfish Prank

Peel a strip off of a carrot and bite it into the shape of a goldfish (see where I’m going?). Go over to a friends aquarium and shout out “I’m so damn hungry!” and, with the carrot strip in hand, held between your thumb and pointer, scrape your pinky along the surface of the water, getting your friends attention, and go “I loooooooove seafood!” whilst dangling and waving the fish around, giving it a life-like look. Slap the carrot shaving on your tongue and swallow it whole (or, for an added effect, chew rapidly). Gets my friends every time.

Camp Funny Prank

This is for all the camping people out there. Okay if ya’ll go camping with alot of friends this practical joke is totally for you!! Get some bright red lipstick and put it on somebody’s lips. Then put lip marks all over someone else’s face that is of the same sex and sort of smear some lipstick on their lips. Hahahahahah!!!!!!!!!!

Jelled Toilet Bowl Surprise Prank

My friends and I had been planning funny pranks for months that we would play some really nasty tricks on the teachers for the last day of school. We came up with some great ones, putting food coloring in the toilets or putting exploding pens on the teacher’s desk. My favorite prank was “The Jelly Bowl”.

Get two packets of jelly crystals in your desired color (mix them together if you want), some hot water, and a long stick.

Go into the teacher’s bathroom, make sure someone keeps watch, and put the hot water into each toilet bowl, then put the jelly crystals into the toilet bowl. It’s better if each toilet is a different color. Stir the mix with the stick and let it set over night, by morning it will be solid and they won’t be able to just flush it away!!!

Funny Office Prank

Take any umbrella and fill it with any amount of small objects and place back in its original position. Works best at the office.

Sleepover Prank

This prank is really funny, I did it last week. First get to a sleepover with two boys and more people if you want them to laugh. Then when they fall asleep get the deepest sleeper and get him into the other person’s sleeping bag. I got some friends to help me lift him up into it. Once he is inside, you can take their clothes off and put their arms around each other. Then when they are wrapped up and one wakes up they will be confused and won’t know what they did! (This will really make them blush).


When the victims is asleep, or not in their room take a small jar full of medicine, like aspirin, but make your own label. On the label print something that would be embarrassing to your victim (eg, anti-gay pills, mental pills). Put the jar of pills next to their bed and in the morning accuse them of being gay or mental.

Shopping Cart Funny Prank

This is pretty juvenile, but good. Find an old lady or whoever at Wal-mart. Get something that would be embarrassing or silly for them to be found with. Pick it up put it in their cart when they are not looking. I’ve done this and it’s a real hoot.

A few ideas –
Rubbers or spermicidal foam in an old ladies cart or adult diapers in a 20 year old guys cart seem to work especially well.

Christmas Prank

If someone really wants a dog or something really big for Christmas then this is how you can prank them. Get a big box and put one of your friend’s inside the box wearing a creepy mask (make sure the friend is alive for this one) and then wrap the box. Have your friend make dog noises or they can just sit there. When the person starts opening their presents they will obviously want to open the big gift first. Just think how great it will be when your friends or family member opens that box and they get a hell of a scare from your friend. Hopefully they crap their pants.

Paper on the Ass Gag

Ok, I did this funny prank at school once. Take a piece of paper and put it on a chair (paper should be same color as the chair.) Put clear glue on the paper and someone will sit on it and be walking around with paper on their but all day.

Blow-Dryer Prank

Here is a good prank that played on my sister. What you do is take baby powder and you put it in someone’s blow-dryer. When they turn it on, they will get a head full of powder. It is a great laugh.

Insane Clown

If you are at a sleepover, grab some make-up and apply it like crazy. Make your face pale white, completely black, or other dark color. Add eye shadow to go on your eye-lid all the way to brow. Use bright red, black, or dark blue, lipstick and apply all over lips and beyond. Finally take RED blush and apply it in a perfect circle). You’ll look like an insane clown!

Shake a person WHILE SLEEPING with the light on and they’ll freak looking at your face! It is so funny! You’ll scare the crap out of your friend!

Sand Hole Surprise

I used this prank on my brother when we were on holiday in Spain.

When you are at the beach, pick a victim/friend that is lying down on a towel on sand. When they get up, for example go to the restroom or for a drink, remove the towel and dig a hole where the towel sits. Put the towel back in exactly the same place so they don’t suspect anything. When the victim lays back down on the towel, their ass will fall into the hole! The deeper the hole the better!

Food colouring in milk etc

boot drive through

kickme signs or similar

ice water in the shower/bath – make sure user has clothes on 🙂

blocking the door when somebody is in the toilet

prop things up against toilet door so when its opened it hits them on the head (brooms etc)

Cereal Box Switch
Remove the plastic bags from cereal boxes and switch them around. Your victim will scratch his head wondering why Cheerios came out of a box of Lucky Charms.

Mail Box Prank
After the mail has already been delivered, fill the mail box with ping pong balls or packing nuts. Then ask someone else to go get the mail.

Pick It Up
Glue a shiny half dollar or quarter to the ground in a busy public place. Then sit back and watch as people pass by and try to pick it up.

Divert Traffic
Get some cones or barrels and divert traffic from a nearby street through campus or your workplace.

Garage Sale Prank
Print up a bunch of huge garage sale or yard sale signs and post them up the night before around your neighborhood. Don’t give an address, just use arrows. Send the cars in a maze throughout the neighborhood looking for a yard sale that doesn’t exist.

Public Fountain Bubbles Prank
Empty a bottle of liquid soap in any public fountain. In a few minutes there will be bubble everywhere. Just be sure there are no living creatures inside, such as Koi fish, or else you will kill them and they are very expensive to replace.

Golf Course Fun
Fill all the holes at your local golf course with chocolate pudding.

Fun At The Bowling Alley
Put vasoline in all the holes in bowling balls. Then sit back and watch as people try their best to grip their balls.

Face The Corner
Get really close and face the corner inside of an elevator. When the next person gets in, he or she is gonna think…”what the heck is he doing??”

Pubic Hair Prank
Tape a bunch of hair to the front of your underwear so it looks like you have a very hairy bush. Then walk around with your fly unzipped. Act like you don’t know that your fly is unzipped. People will look down there and see a hairy bush. See how many people you walk passed before anyone tells you that your fly is unzipped.

Nuclear Piss
Crack a glowstick in half and drop it in a toilet or urinal. The substance will turn the water to a glow. Works best in toilets with stalls, as there is less lighting in those stalls because of the stall walls.

Pin Holes in Cup
Use a tiny pin to make little pin holes in a plastic or styrofoam cup. Then offer the cup with a drink in it to your unaware victim. They will have dribbles of the liquid all over their shirt while drinking the beverage.

Coke Bottle Prank
Take an empty coke bottle and fill it with sparkling water and soy sauce. Then put it in the fridge for someone else to enjoy.

Open up jars of peanut butter at your local grocery store and place a note on top (face up) that reads “Hello”.

Drinking Thru A Long Straw
Connect as many straws together as you can. Then sit a good distance from your victim. Have the person sitting next to him at the lunch table help you out. Have that person lift your long straw up and put it into the victim’s milk when he or she isn’t paying attention. Then drink it up from 2 tables across.

M&M Coke Prank
Right after your victim has just opened a bottle of coke, drop some M&M’s inside his beverage when he isn’t paying attention. This will cause his drink to keep on foaming.

A Knotty Prank
Whenever your victim leaves his drink unattended and his drink has a lid and straw, tie the straw in a knot below the lid. Then when he returns act like nothing happened.

So Forgetful
Tape some magnets to the bottom of a cup and the top of your car and drive away. It will look like you forgot to grab your cup off the top before driving off and people all around will try and get your attention and flag you down, while you just laugh and drive.

Put a balloon over the hole of the victim’s exhaust pipe. After he drives away…a few blocks later, he will hear a big POP!!

Fun At The Red Light
Whever you stop at the red traffic light. Pull up right next to the car next to you. Then slowly put your car in reverse. The car next to you will think he is still moving forward and slam on his brakes. You can even have a buddy help you out and do the same thing in the lane on the other side of the victim.

Bubble Wrap Machine Gun
Tape a 1 inch bubble wrap around thr front tire of your victim while his car is parked. When he drives off the popping noise will sound like a machine gun.

Confetti In The Defrost
Pour some confetti in your victim’s defrost vent and turn it on high. When you starts the car up the next day, it will be like New Year’s Day all over again.

Balloon In The Trunk
Fill some balloons with helium and put them in your victim’s trunk. When he or she goes to get their luggage out, they will get a balloon surprise rising from the trunk.