A Little Christmas Story – Funny

When four of Santa’s elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure.
Then Mrs. Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.
When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.
Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.
Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drunk all the cider and hidden the liquor.. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.
Just then the doorbell rang, and an irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree. The angel said very cheerfully, ‘Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn’t this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?’

And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.

Waterproof camera cases – and my awesome sister!

For those that know me, know i do a little photography. I have always wanted to take it underwater, to the point of using Glad resealable bags with my cheap Fuji point n shoot camera (wouldn’t try that with my Canon 450D SLR camera!).

Yesterday i got home to a large parcel airmail. I opened it up and there was a pile of all sorts of waterproof gear from ipod pouches, waterproof earphones (now you can apparently listen to your iPod in the pool!), and a couple of waterproof camera cases all from Aquapec . It turns out it was an Xmas present from my totally awesome sister Angela

We promptly filled the bath and tested the point n shoot camera in the smaller camera bag. Results were interesting, the photos came out well but it was hard to try and get the camera sitting in the pouch in the right place as the bag was much larger than the camera. Also the lens protrudes when turned on and of course moves in and out which made life interesting. If pressure is put on the lens then it can push the lens off its rails or damage the camera. I was a little worried about this so i grabbed a toilet roll, cut it to size, then taped it onto the camera like this.

The bath isnt huge, so was a little hard to get good shots that were not ‘in your face’ too much. This is one of the resulting photos

Today we took the lot of it down to the swimming pools. We got a LOT of attention for taking so many cameras into the pool of course, but it was fun. The smaller camera is able to do video which was cool, though I havn’t watched ot downloaded from it (and wont until i can find its cable!).

I had trouble seeing through the viewfinder on the SLR a bit but that turned out to be my goggles, i switched through a few that we had including a face mask or two, and used a snorkel for better underwater time. I had some trouble with floating and not sinking enough, next time I will make a point of squeezing excessive air out of the bag and using a deeper pool. The SLR waterproof case looked like this

This meant that if the lens was shorter than the tube it was baggy at the end and the resulting photos had a nice vinegette going on from it. Ill have to hold that in place in future. width wise my 72mm lens only just fit into it, i wouldnt try any larger thats for sure! Here are a few more photos I took today from in the pool.

Xmas Poem for Kiwis


Twas the Night before Xmas and all through the bach,
Not even a weta was making a scratch.
Woolly socks were hung by the potbelly with care,
In the hopes that Santa soon would be there.
The children were snoozing in a light summer’s breeze,
Whilst dreaming of spongy pud and lime green cream freeze.
And dad in his walk shorts and me in my jandals,
Had just settled down for a couple of handles.
When out on the lawn I heard such a ruckus,
I sprang from my Lazy Boy to see what the fuss was.
I ran to the sliding door, gasping and wheezing,
Threw open the curtains and upped the venetians.
The moon on the sand and the Trailer tarp,
Lit the beach up just like Eden Park.
But still when I saw, I thought I was asleep,
A miniature Kingswood, pulled by eight tiny sheep.
With a little old driver, sipping a Fanta,
I knew in a moment, it had to be Santa.
Faster than Phar Lap on steroids they came,
And he coo-eed and shouted and called them by name.
Now, Kevin! now, Sharlene! now, Rangi and Beck!
On, Darryl! On Shazza! on, Bilbo and Shrek!
To the top of the Pagoda, to the top of the wall,
Get in behind, Get in behind, Get in behind, All!
As sandflies around a bar-b-que fly,
When they sniff the sizzlers and take to the sky.
So up to the top of the bach they flew,
With a boot full of toys and Santa Claus too.
With a handbrake stop, they arrived on the roof,
Four Goodyear tyres and 32 hoofs.
And as I quickly turned and ran to the lounge,
Out from the chimney Santa came with a bound.
He was wearing board shorts, and gumboots on foot.
And his Mambos were covered in six-month-old soot.
A bundle of toys he had on his back,
As if on OE with a brand new Macpac.
He looked like he’d come from the beauty parlour,
With rosy red cheeks like pohutukawa.
A gorgeous big grin and white as white hair,
With wee little tufts growing out of his ears.
He had a broad chest and a round beer gut,
That shook when he laughed like Jabba the Hutt.
He was chubby and plump, a right jolly hobbit,
And I laughed when I saw him, I couldn’t stop it.
He gave me a wink and a bonza thumbs up,
And I quickly realised he wasn’t a nut.
He went straight to the socks without saying a thing,
And filled them with barbies and Shrek 2 keyrings.
Then giving his nose a jolly good scratch,
He flew up the chimney with an almighty flash.
He jumped in the Kingswood and cranked the ignition,
And then they took off, like some NASA mission.
But I think I could hear, as he drove out of sight
“Merry Christmas to all, have a bl#*dy good night!”